Let's hit this one out of the park

Every nation has it's own language. America has English, Germany has German, Egypt speaks (I think) Pharaonic, and Britain speaks English. Okay, there were two countries there that speak English but you get my point.

I know what you're thinking: what about the United States of Business? Well, in fact, there is a language of the biz people, and I, having worked in "da biz" am pretty well-versed in it. Our newest colleague ShakZPelican is going to write about present-day business language in a future post, but you know me, loyal readers. Always being forward thinking, I am going to write about the future of business language: farms.

Yes, that's right; the future of business speak is farms. Frankly, things make more sense when you make them analogous to situations that might occur out on the farm. For example, what about the phrase "bought the farm"? Or "kicked the bucket"? Or "died"? All these phrases come from farming situations (except the first one--it's pretty likely that all agricural real estate deals are completed within the confines of a business person's office in an urban setting). So here are some agcentric sayings (with explanantions) that you can use to be a better business person in the next fortyear:

Don't come to the henhouse if all you want is milk.
Hey, I'm just the search engine analyst (i.e. a poultry animal)! Don't ask me if you want information about product issues (i.e. cow's milk, that I cannot produce being an avian species and not a mammal).

The grease gets fried with the bacon.
Hey, we had to run some of those bad programs (i.e. grease) because it comes with the territory of having all those other good programs (i.e. delicious bacon--or facon for Cristin, as she is a vegetarian).

Let's not count our baby cows before they are birthed.
Yes it's true, we see through this farm ultrasound that we are supposed to have 6 cows (e.g. profit) born this Friday. But they could all die on impact with the ground (e.g. loss).

Who's gonna date the farmer's daughter on this one?
Everyone knows that farmer's daughter are always really hot, what with their daisy dukes and cutoff flannel shirts exposing their beautiful corn-fed midriffs. What isn't factored in is that they also have the strength of ten men from lifting bails of hay all day AND they get really upset if you accidentally drive through their farm.

That's like trying to find a needle in a oatbarrel.
A subtle update on an oldie. The needle in this case is profit and the oatbarrel is the money that I've spent on the keyword "certificate in ninja skills".

Hey, let's horseride over to the well before someone poisons it with cyanide.
You want to make sure that you always have plenty of fresh water to drink.

A restraining order doesn't apply on farms if you pretend to be an illegal alien.
Just because a girl that you once dated (i.e. a sales rep selling illegal products) gets a court injunction that says you can't come within 100 yards of her (i.e. do business) doesn't mean that you can't actually get within 100 yards as long as you pretend that you do not speak English (i.e. play dumb) or let her see you (i.e. hide in the cornstalks until she falls asleep).

Don't crap in the orchard unless you want to eat poopfruit.
Self-explanatory.